


Izaya-kun!

by Nocturnal



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-18 10:47:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4703219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocturnal/pseuds/Nocturnal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>High school days. Izaya is oblivious that he is part of a love triangle with Shizuo and Kadota vying for his affection. Includes cross-dressing and Izaya in a frilly maid outfit and weirdly innocent Izaya.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Izaya-kun!"

Shizuo's booming voice carried ahead of him and was a wonderful warning. So much so that Izaya at times wondered if Shizuo did not even hate him to the point of sheer repulsion. But he still skipped his way out of the schoolyard and into the safety of the many streets of Ikebukuro. A few seconds later Shizuo arrived at the wall over which Izaya had just jumped over and put down the broom he had been brandishing.

"Damn, where did he go to."

He turned around only to spot someone hiding behind a tree.

"Is that you, Kadota? Were you following Izaya as well? Huh? Is that it?"

Kadota shrugged and coughed.

"So what if I was?"

"I'll have none of that. Izaya is a bloody louse but he's my bloody louse. Got it?"

"It's not like you're dating him or anything-"

Shizuo punched a hole through the tree's bark, breaking it like a twig.

"You just stay away from Izaya."

As if speaking of the devil did materialize on the scene Izaya peeped over the wall and waved at them.

"You boys play nice over there! Shizu-chan, Dotachin!"

And with this he was gone again. Shizuo glared at Kadota who had stepped aside from the felled tree.

"What's this 'Dotachin' crap? I'm the one with a special nickname. Not you."

"Maybe he likes me better."

"The hell he does!"

"At least I don't try to kill him."

Shizuo shuffled.

"That's my way of showing my feelings."

"Right…"

"I'll have you know that I love Izaya-kun. Don't you think you can have him!"

*

Izaya headed to the closest pachinko parlor and wasted quite a few hours losing money because it was fun. Being underage somehow never managed to stop him, having sweet talked half the pachinko places in Tokyo to let him in. He did not expect to see Shizuo, of all people, standing just outside and he prepared to flee when an arm detained him.

"Shizu-chan, nice weather we're having. Got to run now, you can kill me later."

"Er, I was wondering if you're free now?"

Izaya blinked and ceased his fruitless squirming.

"Free? To do what?"

Shizuo blushed.

"You know your way around 'bukuro better than I do and I just started this part time job at an ice cream place-"

"Does that mean all you can eat ice cream goodness?"

"-and I can't find it on my own."

Shizuo's initial plan was to invite him to the movies or something but his courage flagged when it mattered. He would never have dared to even approach Izaya on such friendly terms if not for the fact that a pesky Kadota was vying for his attention and that was not at all cool with Shizuo.

"Sure, I'd be glad to help. You're not going to hit me with something when I turn my back, right?"

"No, don't worry."

Izaya maneuvered past the crowds and in no time they were in front of their destination. Izaya nearly drooled at the many colorful flavors that filled the window.

"Looks so tasty, Shizu-chan! I want them all!"

"I can get you some of it for free."

"Really?"

Izaya jumped up and down. Shizuo smiled, maybe this job was worth keeping despite the bad pay.

"Yeah. I start tomorrow around this time. So you can drop by?"

"I sure will!"

*

And indeed, as soon as school was over the very next day Izaya made his way to the store.

"Izaya, hello. Going somewhere?"

Kadota joined him.

"Dotachin! I'm going somewhere great, stick around. It's a surprise."

Izaya winked and Kadota melted. He did not know how Izaya could be so oblivious and flirtatious at the same time. Kadota often grumbled but he did not resent the nickname at all. Izaya hummed, bag tucked over a shoulder, perfectly careless. And unaware that Kadota just wanted to push him against a wall and-

"Wow, look at that jacket! Fur…nice."

Izaya glued his nose to a window and stared at the outfit that shone behind it. Kadota checked the price tag and realized that he had just received his allowance.

"You like it?"

"Like it? I love it! I'll try it on!"

And sure enough Izaya put on his dream jacket and spun in front of the full length mirror.

"What do you think, Dotachin? Looks good on me or what?"

He nodded. Kadota wished that Izaya did not sound so sexy when he was happy.

"You want to buy it?"

Izaya sighed.

"Just spent all my money playing pachinko yesterday."

"I'll get it for you, I have some cash on me."

Izaya's eyes grew wide.

"For real?"

"Yeah."

"Dotachin, I love you!"

Izaya flung himself into his arms and Kadota hugged him back, struggling to keep his hands above the waist. This meant no lunch for the next month but it was so worth it. Izaya was quick to waltz down a street, stopping every now and then to chat with groups of girls that were are too eager to feel the fur. Kadota knew they just wanted to grope him (and who could blame them for that) but Izaya being, well, Izaya, did not seem to notice or care.

"Shizu-chan, look at my new jacket! Oh, new flavors!"

Izaya reached the ice cream parlor and proceeded to devour all that his eyes could see. Kadota had a second to appreciate the view as Izaya bent down but it was interrupted far too soon by an angry glare that he could feel from behind the counter. Shizuo was in process of serving a little kid but his darkening expression sent the poor child running away.

"Izaya-kun…just who is that guy?"

Of course Shizuo knew all too well.

"Silly Shizu-chan, it's Dotachin. He bought me the jacket! Wasn't that nice of him?"

Izaya smiled innocently enough. Shizuo piled three big ice cream balls on a cone and offered it to Izaya.

"Here. On the house."

"Thank you so much, Shizu-chan! Chocolate, strawberry, vanilla! This is the best day ever."

Kadota cast Shizuo a smug look and sat in front of Izaya in a table for two. Shizuo kept getting the orders wrong as he was distracted time and time again by Izaya licking and lapping at cool white vanilla, some of it dripping down his chin. As for Kadota, he hardly listened to Izaya's chirpy chatter about this and that, for he was far too busy watching a pink tongue slipping on ice cream.

"You want to share some of mine?"

Before Kadota had a chance to take him on the offer Shizuo appeared out of nowhere and flung ice cream into his mouth, nearly choking him in the process. There was no way he would allow an indirect kiss on his watch.

"He's being so nice today, isn't he? Wait, this isn't some sort of trap…? Shizu-chan, did you put poison this?"

Izaya stared at the cone with suspicion. Shizuo gaped, it was rare for Izaya to misunderstand something this completely. Kadota was amused. Izaya carried on.

"And that's why you didn't want me to share with Dotachin?"

Something occurred to Shizuo. He took Izaya's cone and bit the top vanilla portion, tasting extra sweetness.

"See, no poison."

It was Shizuo's turn to be smug. Izaya settled for cheerfully sucking on the ice cream as soon as he got it back.

"Yay! Brand new jacket, sugary goodness, Shizu-chan is not hating me, someone pinch me! I may very well be dreaming!"

Izaya scooped the foamy stuff with his fingers and licked them. Shizuo returned to the counter but kept mixing mint with caramel, raspberry with cookie, so that he suspected he was getting fired from this job as was wont to happen. Meanwhile Kadota was making his move.

"Hey, want to grab a movie Saturday?"

"Sure! There's this comedy I'd be dying to see it."

*

Kadota was sure that he was most definitely ahead, indirect kiss notwithstanding. Even though he did not get to walk Izaya home that day, he was now about to meet him at the cinema for an hour and half of alone time in the dark. Or so he thought.

"Kadota, glad you could make it! Shinra and Shizu-chan are already here. Everyone want sweet popcorn?"

Shizuo grumbled something under his breath and Kadota's heart sank, so much for his hot intimate date. This was not even a date at all. Trust Izaya to pick the worst possible time to be social and friendly. Only Shinra and Izaya seemed excited even as they got in line to buy the popcorn.

Shizuo glared at Kadota, towering above him.

"If you think you're sitting next to Izaya-kun, you've got another thing coming."

And so Izaya ended up sitting between his two suitors, oblivious as oblivious can be and happier than a kitty with some wool. Shinra sat on the other side of Shizuo and had as much fun watching him hesitate in putting an arm around Izaya as he did watching the goofball movie. Maybe even more, in fact.

Shinra was in fact highly amused. He was not sure how Izaya could miss it when he was literally in the middle of a tug of war of sorts but clearly he was too busy being, well, Izaya. And happily chugging down coke while eating sticky popcorn, Shinra made a mental note about investigating the effects of high sugar content on teenagers and using Izaya as the sample.

Meanwhile Kadota was also considering taking advantage of the setting to go for a quasi hug but over Izaya's head Shizuo glowered viciously. Kadota cursed his luck, why did he have to have such a short-tempered rival. Then again he looked forward to having Shizuo commit some typical blunder and thus ruin his chances completely.

Izaya was still laughing as they walked out of the theater, holding unto Shizuo as he giggled madly.

"That was so funny!"

"Yeah…"

Shizuo had hardly even seen the movie as he had been too busy watching Izaya instead. And keeping Kadota at bay. But all that was more than worth it when Izaya was leaning on him like this.

"Ah, I am so glad I invited everyone! It's so much better with more people."

Shinra chuckled quietly. He was sure that Kadota and Shizuo did not at all agree, Shinra imagined an orgy and did laugh slightly. Shizuo nodded mechanically.

"Yeah, sure."

At least it was better than Izaya going to the movies with Kadota. Alone. That Shizuo would not tolerate.

"I invited my sisters as well but they couldn't make it. What a shame."

Shinra shook his head, how clueless could one be. At this point two little children came tumbling toward Kadota who picked them up. Izaya gave them some candy.

"How cute! Who are they?"

"Oh, the girl's Erika and the boy's Walker. I babysit them every now and then."

"Dotachin! I had no idea! That is great, I love a guy that can take care of kids! Must be because I'm a big brother, and a wonderful onii-chan at that."

Kadota glowed. Now this was an unexpected turn of events.

"Hey, I've got a little brother. Kasuka, and he's cute. Like a kitty. Even talent agencies want to scout him."

Izaya was in the process of playing some clapping game with the kids.

"I'd heard that Shizu-chan had a brother but I was afraid of meeting him because he might be scary...maybe it runs in the family."

Shizuo apologized to Kasuka in his mind, using him to score was wrong but if Izaya was into cuteness then he had to use whatever he could. Especially since he was wearing that jacket, Erika touching the fluffy fur with her tiny pudgy hands, that jacket that the horrible Kadota had bought him.

"No, Kasuka is nice. He's shy and quiet. Real nice, you'd like him. Want to drop by my place tomorrow so you can meet him?"

"I don't know, Shizu-chan…I'm afraid that's just a trap and that you'll throw something at me. Like a washing machine."

Shizuo was going to protest but Kadota held up little Walker.

"These are younger than Shizuo's brother, I'm sure. Cuter that way, right Izaya? Want to hold them?"

"Can I?"

"Sure."

"Yay!"

Izaya took one on each arm and waltzed ahead, stopping next to a big poster of what looked to Shizuo like some big eyed monster. Shinra watched the scene, everyone seemed not to realize the creepy undertones to this. Then again he supposed that in some ways Izaya was every bit as childish as Erika and Walker.

"Look, it's Haruhi! You guys like Haruhi?"

"Haruhi!"

"Kyon!"

"Aw! They're mini otakus! Do the dance, I'll sing! Hare Hare, lalalala, lalala!"

Izaya skipped about in what Shizuo assumed was some sort of dance routine. Erika and Walker followed him, taking tiny steps and nearly falling even as they giggled. Kadota scratched his head at a loss. He supposed he should stop this before Izaya caused the children to land on their faces but he did not want to interrupt the moment.

"I don't really know the lyrics but that's okay! You can call me Izaya-nii."

Kadota was smiling bemusedly but suddenly his smile fell as Izaya threw both shrieking kids in the air and caught them.

"It's okay, I used to juggle my sisters all the time!"

Shinra thanked whatever gods there were that he had not been born into the Orihara household.

*

Shizuo was having a very nice dream. It included Izaya wearing an apron. And nothing else. He did not want to wake up even though it was already broad daylight and so he resisted the shaking that disturbed his sweet fantasy.

"- still early."

"Onii-chan, someone's here for you."

Shizuo was awake on the spot, rubbing his eyes as he sat up.

"Kasuka? Did something happen? It's time for breakfast already?"

And that was when he saw a familiar person waving at him from the door, a broad smile on his face.

"Izaya? What're you doing here?"

"I should've called ahead, it seems. But yesterday you invited me to come over to meet your brother-"

"Right!"

Shizuo had not forgotten but he did not expect Izaya to actually drop by. He scrambled to his feet, realizing that he was wearing his boxers alone and that Izaya did look smoking hot in that fur trimmed jacket of his.

"You guys go ahead, I'll be there soon."

"I'll fix breakfast, neh? Kasuka-chan?"

The little boy nodded. Shizuo was rather surprised, it seemed that Izaya did indeed have a way with kids despite his often being a less than agreeable person when it came to his own age bracket. Shizuo hesitated before the closet. For the first time in his life he was unsure of what to wear. In the end it did not matter since his supply of clothes was limited and a pair of jeans and a shirt did the job just fine.

"Wow…you made all this?"

Izaya was setting an array of food stuffs all over the kitchen table. The air smelled of toast, jam and scrambled eggs.

"Kasuka-chan, you like milk like your brother?"

A nod. Izaya served him a glass, then poured one for Shizuo and sat.

"I had no idea you could cook."

It seemed exceedingly off character. Shizuo nearly fell when he noticed Izaya sporting a light colored apron.

"I always fix the meals for my sisters. Including doing their bento boxes."

"Really? That's really nice of you."

Izaya picked up his ringing cell phone.

"Just a second, Shizu-chan. Hello Dotachin! Oh, you are? With Walker and Erika? Aw! I'd love to come but I'm at Shizu-chan's now. Kasuka-chan, say hi to your big brother's friend who's on the phone!"

Kasuka blinked in his typical non-responsive way and said,

"Hello."

Shizuo snapped the piece of toast he was currently about to eat.

"What did Kadota want?"

"He took the kids to a Haruhi event. I'd love to join them but I don't think Kasuka-chan is into Haruhi. Neh?"

Kasuka emptied a glass of milk, wiped the moustache and in all seriousness turned to Izaya and asked,

"Are you Onii-chan's girlfriend?"

Shizuo was shocked into silence. Izaya burst out laughing and kept on doing so until he was doubled over the table and hugging himself as he giggled madly.

"No, no. Kasuka-chan, I'm a boy. So that can't be."

Shizuo tried a yellow smile.

"Heh, kids, huh…they get the weirdest ideas!"

Izaya nodded.

"I know. My sisters used to think that I was Onee-san when they were really small.

"Really?"

"Oh yes. That changed when I decided not only to bathe them but to bathe together! It's so fun."

Izaya swung his legs under the table and was ever so bubbly. So much so that Shizuo almost let go of the weirdness that surrounded the Orihara family. Kasuka finished some toast.

"Are you Onii-chan's boyfriend?"

"Kasuka!"

Shizuo was beginning to realize that the cute otouto card was much more of a gamble than he had considered. And normally Kasuka was so silent, too, especially with strangers.

"Kasuka-chan, you shouldn't say those things or Shizu-nii will get angry. And we both know what happens when he loses his temper."

"Onii-chan once tried to throw a fridge at me."

Izaya gasped loudly and scooped Kasuka into his arms.

"How horrible, Shizu-chan! How could you!"

Shizuo flailed.

"I didn't mean to- and he stole my dessert-"

"That's a horrible reason! Apologize to Kasuka-chan right now."

Izaya placed Kasuka on the floor, very careful as if he was some sort of delicate porcelain doll (Shizuo was at least glad that he was not juggling him) and knelt by his side.

"I already said I was sorry at the time…"

"That will never do. Kasuka-chan is such a sweet kid, he deserves a proper apology."

Shizuo sighed. Izaya got up and folded his arms.

"Kasuka…sorry. Didn't want to hurt you."

The little boy nodded. And added in his perfect monotone,

"Onii-chan, your boyfriend is very nice. Are you getting married and making babies with him?"

"What the!"

Izaya laughed some more.

"Kasuka-chan, your brother doesn't like me that way. In fact, he doesn't like me at all…"

Izaya grew thoughtful as if he was considering for the first time why Shizuo had invited him.

"Can Izaya-nii marry me instead, then?"

"Why are you saying all these weird things, just stay silent and look cute!"

Shizuo was close to ripping his newly dyed hair by the roots.

"Aw, Kasuka-chan! I'll consider that when you become older."

Izaya was amused while Kasuka remained cool as a cucumber as he drank another glass of milk that he held with both hands.

"Must grow up fast to marry Izaya-nii."

Shizuo decided that a sudden change of topic was in order.

"Kasuka, why don't you tell Izaya about your acting career? You know, he gets scouted off the street all the time and he already has an agent an all."

"Eh? That's great Kasuka-chan!"

Izaya did wonder how such a deadpan child could possibly act but who could tell what the audience liked. Shizuo scrambled around some and produced a photo album that he placed for Izaya's inspection.

"This is his, erm, how do you call it again?"

"Portfolio."

"Yeah, that. Take a look."

Izaya leafed through the pictures.

"Aw! You know, my sisters got scouted as well…there's such a big fuss about twin girls and they look adorable- if I may say so myself."

"That's neat."

"Well, I thought so too but I should have known better. I took them to this cereal ad audition and Mairu ended up biting the director."

"She…what?"

"She sank those tiny fangs of hers into his arm. It was embarrassing, Shizu-chan. It really was. And Kururi was in tears."

Izaya seemed rather upset himself. Shizuo was going to offer some encouragement but Kasuka cut him off by giving Izaya a tissue.

"Thank you, Kasuka-chan. I was so sad because the TV people told me that I was a bad big brother and that's not true! It's not my fault Mairu has…issues!"

Izaya sobbed.

"Izaya-nii is a great onii-chan. Doesn't throw fridges around and makes food."

Izaya hugged Kasuka.

"You're a darling. If only your brother was more like you!"

"Izaya-nii can give me a bath too."

Izaya patted his head, ruffling the hair. Shizuo had not predicted this outcome.

"Oh, I know! We could all go the swimming pool one of these days! Except for Mairu…I'm afraid she got banned from every pool in Tokyo because of her biting tendencies. Shizu-chan, that's a lot of swimming pools, you know!"

*

And thus the very next week Shizuo found himself amidst a rowdy crowd splashing about in a series of swimming pools. He felt very silly in his swimming trunks and he had the horrible feeling that people were staring at him which never failed to make him highly embarrassed. He forgot all about this as soon as Kadota arrived with the two annoying brats along with Shinra.

"Is Izaya still not here?"

"No yet. And I didn't know you were supposed to come too."

Kadota tried to ignore the scowling menace aimed at him. Shinra chuckled, this was going to be absolutely great. Thankfully they did not have to wait long.

"Dotachin! Shinra! Shizu-chan, Kasuka-chan, Erika-chan and Walker-chan! Glad you all could make it! Meet Anri-chan, I was just chatting with her mother and she'll be having fun with us today! As Anri-chan. Not the mother."

Izaya waved as he made his way toward the group and propped a little girl for all to see. Kadota and Shizuo hardly noticed her, they were too busy looking at a mostly naked Izaya and stripping the speedo with their eyes. Meanwhile Izaya was cooing with the newcomer and introducing everyone.

"Think you can remember all that, Anri-chan? It's okay even if you can't! Aw, you remind me of Mairu with the glasses but you don't bite. See?"

Izaya let her suck on his finger and nearly bounced in his gleeful way.

Shizuo clumsily waded to the shallow point of the pool in the hopes that the cold water would help him cool down. He was beyond annoyed to see Kadota join him which left Izaya surrounded by the children with Shinra standing by. Izaya was not the least bothered and sat on the edge, his feet in the water.

"You guys brought your floaters? Yay! Kasuka-chan can already swim, I think."

"Yes."

"Great! The water's nice, too! Anri-chan, don't be afraid. Izaya-nii will teach you how to swim! She's shy so she doesn't speak much but that's okay."

Shinra wondered if Anri's mother was aware that 'Izaya-nii' had a thing for juggling little girls. Shizuo cursed his luck, this was becoming more and more like kindergarten. Kadota assessed the competition, he had to admit that Kasuka was cute but he had not one but two bundles of adorable who now began to sing some Gundam song.

"Aw! So who's your favorite Gundam character?"

"Char!"

"Kamille, it's a man's name!"

Izaya clapped and adjusted the floaters on Anri's chubby arms.

"Dotachin, these guys are hardcore UC fans! Are you into old school Gundam as well?"

"Er, no. But they just park in front of the TV when anime is on and they had this special old shoes the other day."

Izaya put an inflatable mattress on the water and placed Erika and Walker on it..

"Really? I didn't know that! Mairu likes Utena. She cosplays as Kozue and gets Kururi to play Miki. I get to be…Anthy, somehow. So not what I wanted but you know how it is, Shizu-chan! Big brothers must go the extra mile for their younger siblings."

Shizuo was very glad that he was being brought into the conversation. Kadota could bring all the kiddies he wanted, in the end he was still an only child so he had no points for brotherly devotion.

"Yeah, that's true. Like, I wake up early at times to get Kasuka's favorite brand of milk fresh in the morning."

Izaya helped Anri to the first step of the swimming pool.

"Izaya-nii will take care of everything so have no fear, Anri-chan! And Shizu-chan, that is so nice of you. It almost makes up for the fridge incident."

Kasuka floated by.

"Onii-chan is lying. He gets the milk for himself."

"Don't put it like that…"

Izaya sighed.

"Shizu, that's just not cool. Ah, this reminds me when I first watched Grave of the Fireflies! I cried rivers, oceans even! Just thinking about it-"

Izaya sobbed quietly and immediately, as if on cue, Erika and Walker burst out crying. Shinra felt slightly guilty for being amused. Kadota rushed to the rescue and comforted the kids and prepared some speech to make Izaya happy but Kasuka ruined his plans by stepping in and saying in the flattest tone known to man,

"It's okay. The war is over."

Izaya bounced back to his chirpy self in a heartbeat.

"Kasuka-chan, aren't we lucky to have been born in a peaceful age? Where humans are free to love one another…freely!"

Shinra was the only one that noticed the redundancy. Kasuka nodded solemnly.

"Yes. Only need to change the law now, so we can get married."

"Kasuka! Stop staying that! I'm the one that's going to- erm, mean- changing laws and all that, it's just complicated and you need to…vote or something?"

"Anri-chan, another step now. You can do it!"

As if on cue Walker and Erika began to chant in unison,

"You can dooo it!"

Anri did not seem very confident and so Izaya grabbed both of her hands and gave her the best Onii-chan smile which could melt absolutely anyone. Kasuka decided that now was the perfect time to pull down Izaya's speedo. Shizuo collapsed underwater in a mess of his own nosebleed. Kadota dropped the kids who thankfully landed on the mattress.

"Shizu-chan, are you alright?"

Izaya rushed to help a very distraught Shizuo.

"Okay- still naked, oh my god."

Izaya blinked.

"What is wrong with him?"

He pulled up his bathing suit and blinked uncertainly in the hot summer sun. A few years later Orihara Izaya would become the most cunning informant that Tokyo had ever seen and a highly dangerous man. But currently he was still a rather clueless boy.

Kasuka took a look at his half-drowned brother and announced,

"Onii-chan, may die."

Shinra helped Shizuo crawl out of the pool. It was considerably difficult considering the weight and size difference. Kadota had to help out as well which left Erika and Walker unsupervised while Anri froze on the spot. Izaya waited until Shizuo was ushered away to tend to his blood loss before he turned to Kasuka.

"Now, now, Kasuka-chan. I know you just want to play but you'll get Izaya-nii arrested for public indecency. Again."

Kadota blinked.

"Again…?"

Izaya returned to Anri's side.

"Mairu said she really wanted me to strip on the highway…and I couldn't say no, you know? Because she's my little sister. Then she called the police because she wanted to see Onii-chan handcuffed."

"Right…"

Shinra was beginning to see a pattern here. Kadota was glad that he had no siblings.

"But it's all fine! Since I'm a minor it didn't go into my criminal record!"

"I don't think that's the problem here…"

"Shinra, aren't you swimming? The more the merrier!"

"I think I'll just stay here and work on my tan."

Izaya shrugged.

"Suit yourself!"

Kadota swam to Izaya's side. Now that Shizuo was out of commission it was his chance to strike.

"By the way, speaking about your sisters, how come you didn't bring them?"

"Couldn't. Mairu was banned from pools in Tokyo because of the biting incident. I suppose I could have brought Kururi but I don't want to discriminate. It's not the same if the two aren't together! Anri-chan, try kicking with your legs."

Clearly Anri was not particularly impressed or convinced. So he placed her on his shoulders and slowly padded about.

"Izaya-nii is a boat now!"

Kadota stared at the fishlike quality of Izaya's movements. And Kasuka noticed it because he was a clever boy. Izaya was having a blast when Anri's mother arrived and told him that they were returning home but would he be so kind as to babysit every now and then?

"Sonohara-san, I'd be glad to! Bye bye, Anri-chan! I'll see you soon!"

"Izaya-nii is pretty."

Izaya glowed contently, it was always great when shy kids spoke and even better when they recognized his amazing onii-chan skills. Kadota handed him a Haro inflatable ball. Izaya flung himself on it and floated aimlessly.

"Whee! This is nice."

Kadota had to agree. Izaya's back was exposed to the sun and his small pert buttocks were almost visible through the tight speed. Kadota was tempted to pull a Kasuka on Izaya. The junior otakus grew tired and fell asleep and soon enough Izaya too was out and slipping underwater as he slid off the ball.

"Izaya!"

Kadota picked him up and carried him out of the swimming pool. Izaya blinked a few times.

"Oh hi there, Dotachin. Must have fallen asleep-"

"Must give mouth to mouth!"

Shinra face palmed. One did not even need any medical knowhow to be aware that conscious people did not require CPR. Kadota ignored all that, though, and proceeded to bring his lips unto Izaya's who raised and eyebrow but did not seem to particularly mind it. Shizuo, who picked the very worst possible moment to come back, did mind it. A whole lot, in fact.

"KADOTA!"

The person in question did not even hear. Which was difficult, considering that Shizuo was screaming at the top of his lungs and running at top speed. Kadota closed his eyes and blocked out the world. Until Shizuo sent him hurling through the air and he ended in the deep end of the pool.

"Izaya!"

"Shizu-chan, hello! Where did Dotachin go to?"

"Oh, he just, erm, left."

Izaya pouted.

"That's too bad. But Walker and Erika are still here!"

Izaya led him by the hand back to the water.

"Aw, look at them sleeping! So sweet. Oh, I know! Kids, rise and shine. Guess who just got here? Shizu Gundam!"

And without further ado Izaya placed Erika and Walker on Shizuo's shoulders.

"What…?"

"Just go with the flow!"

The children shrieked out of sheer glee, considerably hurting Shizuo's ears. Kasuka turned to Shinra.

"One, two rivals. Onii-chan is dumb, the other guy doesn't seem too bright either. How about you?"

Shinra raised his hands.

"I'm out of the race, no need to plot my death now. I don't want Izaya-kun, I already have the love of my life, she's called Celty and-"

"Just checking. You can shut up now."

Izaya spent the next couple of hours playing Shizu Gundam which included Erika and Walker pulling at Shizuo's hair to command the imaginary giant robot. Somehow. The result was a lot of splashing around, general chaos, and Shizuo trying not to get annoyed. Kadota got back but he was more or less ignored. 

Kasuka watched and took many mental notes.

Izaya and the bubbly duo seemed to run out of energy around the same time. He yawned and rubbed his eyes along with the children.

"Ah, the sun's going down already. I think it's time to call it a day."

Izaya half stumbled half walked to the locker rooms and he yawned all along as he dried up Erika and Walker and proceeded to dress them. Kasuka stepped up.

"Izaya-nii, help me too."

Izaya handed the kids to Shinra and moved to the shower stalls.

"But Kasuka-chan, you're almost all grown up now! I'm sure you don't need me to help you with that."

And with this Izaya pulled Shizuo aside and whispered to him confidentially.

"Shizu-chan, I may be mistaken here but I feel that your onii-chan/otouto relationship is not the best. This is a chance for you to improve on it! So go shower with Kasuka-chan."

"But-"

"And remember, communication is good!"

Kadota could hardly believe his luck, this left him all alone with Izaya who chirpy as ever undressed and stood under the jet of water that highlighted every single curve of a very elegant body. Kadota swallowed a few times.

"So…Izaya-kun, I've been wondering…do you have a girlfriend?"

Izaya was opening and closing his mouth in the water as if to mimic a fish.

"Who, me? Nah. I don't really have time for that. Since I'm aiming to become the world's best Onii-chan!"

Kadota showered without removing his trunks. He had a plan of action and unlike Shizuo he did not simply collapse at the sight of Izaya's nakedness. With that said he turned his shower to cold water just to be on the safe side.

"But is there any girl you like?"

Izaya seemed to give it some thought.

"Well…now that you mention it…"

Kadota was surprised.

"Who is she?"

"My role model is a girl I really admire! I saw her at the movies last month, they were showing Grave of the Fireflies again, and I could see how dedicated she was to her little brother! It touched my heart! Sadly, he didn't seem to like me…which is a pity, I want all the children in the world to like me!"

Kadota wished that Izaya did not look so adorably hot when rambling like this.

"So, you've talked to her?"

"We exchanged older sibling tips. It was great fun!"

"Who is this girl…?"

"Yagiri Namie!"

The name did not mean anything to Kadota. He did not expect Izaya to actually have a love interest but it worked in his plan.

"Have you ever, you know…kissed and all that?"

"Nah."

Kadota edged closer to Izaya until he was almost touching him.

"You know, wouldn't you like to train?"

Izaya blinked.

"For what?"

"For kissing. I wouldn't mind helping you out."

Izaya tapped his chin in puzzlement.

"Sure, I don't mind it."

Kadota nearly jumped.

"Really?"

"I don't really care about such things. So I'm fine with whatever."

Kadota did not even hesitate. He pulled him in and gave him a deep albeit clumsy kiss with plenty of tongue action, arm going around a slim waist, water cascading around them. And once again it was proven that Shizuo's timing was absurdly bad because he walked in at this precise moment.

"KADOTA! You die now!"

But first Shizuo had to drag Izaya away from Kadota and hug him closely.

"Shizu-chan, fighting is bad."

Shizuo was about to punch the hell out of Kadota and get rid of him once and for all but then he felt something hard poking his leg, looked down and his mind went blank. Izaya smiled apologetically.

"Ah, sorry. This happens at times. I'll just take care of it."

Izaya made as if to leave. Shizuo detained him and tried to think. As usual he failed at this. Instead he just pushed him against the nearest wall and groping almost aimlessly as he went for an awkward kiss. By the time he let go of Izaya's by now swollen lipsб they were both breathless and rather hard.

"Does Shizu-chan want to train as well?"

Shizuo blinked in something of a daze.

"Train…?"

"Dotachin was just saying that this is training for kissing girls."

"Huh?"

Kadota shook his head. His carefully conceived plan was shot to hell because of Shizuo's bluntness. Izaya moaned a bit as Shizuo kissed him again and pressed against him.

"I've got to take care of this, you know…"

Izaya did not look particularly embarrassed. Kadota decided that this was getting too out of hand without his having a piece of Izaya as well.

"Why don't you let us help you with that?"

Izaya giggled and Shizuo glared viciously at Kadota.

"'Us'? No fucking 'us', I'll kill you for-"

"Shizu-chan, you know how I feel about violence. Aren't we all friends? I think this kind of thing isn't wrong between friends."

Izaya smiled happily. Shizuo found himself thankful for his earlier nosebleed, it seemed that he had no more any blood to lose. He didn't want Kadota here at all but this pretext of friendship was his best option, Shizuo could see that far. But not much further, his shorts were all too tight and Izaya's slight blush was far too cute.

"Yeah…friendship, sure."

Shizuo could not care less but then again it did not seem to matter one way or another. As long as he some excuse to kiss him as he now did, hand trailing below the waist and giving a good squeeze to the small round ass. Izaya squirmed a bit.

"Shizu-chan, not so rough…"

"Sorry…"

"And Dotachin should join as well! Because we're all friends. Neh?"

Kadota had lost no time kicking off his shorts and placing a bench under the shower. He did not want Shizuo here but concessions had to be made.

"Shizuo, sit. Izaya can get on top of you and I'll stay behind."

As much as Shizuo did not want to obey commands he still found himself on the bench and it was not half bad when Izaya climbed and they were rubbing together. Kadota kissed and nipped at his neck and had a lot of difficulty keeping in mind that he should not leave any marks. Unfortunately Izaya was very pale and he could already see red bits of skin where he had been sucking on. Kadota had chosen this positioning because he knew that Shizuo might go berserk if he could actually see him.

As it was all that Shizuo could see was Izaya trembling slightly as he rocked forwards to bring their erections together. Shizuo made a fist around them and wondered if he was dreaming as the sweet friction worked on him. Izaya's naked body arched back and Kadota's hardness was pressed between his buttocks. 

Izaya moaned and looked over his shoulder with glazed eyes.

"Hng…Dotachin, I'm kind of saving myself for marriage so…no penetration, okay?"

Shizuo glowered.

"What do you think you're doing back there, you Kadota!"

Apparently Shizuo believed that 'Kadota' was an insult in itself. Kadota had to swallow a few times to regain his ability to speak, the scent of Izaya drifted to him in an intoxicating way.

"Okay, Izaya-kun- I won't put it in-"

But it was not easy. Shizuo's fist picked up speed and squeezed a bit so that Izaya was oozing and moaning anew. Just the sight of water dripping on the elegant frame and highlighting every way curve along with the coy expression on his pretty features was simply too much to take. Izaya glued himself to Kadota as he came, limbs all aquiver. Shizuo followed almost immediately and he was sure that his brain was half gone by now because Izaya was spluttering him with thick cum that the water washed away. Kadota nearly forgot all about Izaya's old-fashioned ideas and did him right there and then, but in the end the wet friction was enough to topple him over.

The three collapsed in a heap of heated flesh and had to shower all over again. Shinra peered over a stall and chuckled quietly. It seemed that they were over. He glanced to the left to find Kasuka holding a hand camera.

"What are you doing?"

"Filming. For further reference."

This sealed the matter, his suspicious were true: younger siblings were demons.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Izaya skipped first period much to the annoyance of Shizuo and Kadota. He did go to school, though, bouncing into the classroom in between classes.

"Hello! Can you guys let me copy your notes?"

Izaya waved with bandaged hands and immediately the rivals were on him.

"What happened to you?"

"And why are you late?"

"Ah, you see...I was fixing breakfast for my sisters like I always do, and Mairu likes her sandwiches with peanut butter on top and jelly at the bottom and Kururi likes it the other way around. But I was so excited because today is Career day that I got it wrong and so Mairu bit me. So I had to go to the health centre."

Shizuo's jaw dropped dramatically. Shinra was as ever standing on the background and wondering not for the first time if Mairu was not a wild animal instead of a little girl. Kadota saw an opening here.

"There, there, I sure she didn't mean it. Have you filled your career options yet?"

"No! I'm torn, it's either 'kindergarten teacher' or 'informant'. Or maybe 'chef', too! I'll write these."

And indeed Izaya proceeded to do so. Shinra adjusted his glasses.

"I don't think kindergarten is for you, Izaya."

"You think? But how else would I be surrounded by happy children?"

Shizuo thought that this was simply too cute for words. Shinra carried on.

"Well, you could always make some yourself."

Shizuo gasped loudly and Kadota gasped not as loudly.

"What! There's no way Izaya can be into girls! He's too cute and…those rings and fur jacket! It's like Kasuka, he's too pretty to be straight."

Izaya blinked and rubbed his chin.

"Oh, I had never thought of that!"

"Shinra, don't go putting strange ideas into his head! Izaya should be bearing kids, if anything… 'em hips…little Izayas running around…"

"Er, Shizu-chan? I know you flunked biology but you really should take some supplementary classes."

"There you go, you can always have kids without needing to work with them. Don't forget that you can't juggle them."

Shizuo was about to protest but Izaya cut him off.

"That would be nice but what if the biting is a family trait that my children would inherit? I can just see it, they'd end up biting playmates and people would point fingers at me and say that not only am I a bad Onii-chan as I a failure as a father!"

Izaya sobbed at this. Kadota rushed to the rescue, patting his head softly.

"There, there. It's okay. You don't have to worry about that right now."

"I suppose. By the way, have you guys decided what club you're joining this semester? I'm joining cooking and home economics! So that I can learn how to make tasty things for my sisters."

Izaya beamed. Clearly he did not remain distraught for long.

"I'm joining as well!"

"Can you cook at all, Shizuo?"

"Well, no…but it's for learning, right?"

Kadota nodded at this.

"I might as well join too."

"Izaya making chocolate cake…wearing an apron…and licking some whipped cream…"

"Shizu-chan? Hello? Shi-zu-chan? What is wrong with him?"

Shinra sighed.

"Puberty, I suppose."

*

"Today we'll be making omelets. Does anyone already know how to make an omelet?"

Izaya gesticulated wildly and jumped up and down. As if he was not standing in the first row.

"I do, I do!"

"Izaya-kun, you'll show your classmates how to cook so step to the table at the front. We'll need two more volunteers-"

Shizuo was already following Izaya's bouncy step.

"I'll help Izaya-kun. And that Kadota fellow better not-"

"Dotachin, you can help as well! Shizu-chan says so as well!"

In the end Shinra had joined as well simply because watching this odd contest for Izaya's affections was absolutely hilarious. And he needed to give Celty a pointer or two when it came to cooking, too. Shizuo glared.

"Fine. Just don't go trying anything weird. Or else."

For effect Shizuo crushed an egg. Kadota shivered.

"Shizu-chan, don't destroy the food supply! The chicken laid that egg for us to enjoy, not for you to smash."

"Sorry…"

"It's okay if you don't do it on purpose."

The teacher introduced the ingredients. Shizuo was more interested in Izaya's pink apron and quite forgot he was supposed to be cooking. Izaya easily broke two eggs and proceeded to blend the yolks and whites. Kadota was also very into pretty aprons on Izaya but he was smart enough to try his hand at blending as well, awkwardly at best and more clumsily than necessary. All so that he could cast his bait.

"Izaya, am I doing it right? It's not looking very tasty."

"Hmm…I'll help you out! See, it's all about the wrist. You want a uniform mix."

And to exemplify Izaya got between Kadota and the bowl and placed his hand over his to instruct him better. Kadota rejoiced. Shizuo smashed a few more eggs and in an attempt to break them properly ended up destroying the bowl and sending it flying.

"Shizu-chan! What are you doing?"

"…trying to cook."

"I think it might be better if you just watch for now, okay?"

Shizuo nodded gloomily. Shinra was keeping score and so far Kadota was winning. Izaya hummed happily enough as he thickened the foamy substance and folded it easily enough.

"Izaya-kun, your omelet is great. But did you cut your hands cooking? You must be careful."

"Yes, I will!"

The teacher walked away to help some struggling students and ignoring Shizuo.

"Didn't your sister bite you?"

"Hush, Dotachin. Don't say that out loud, I don't want anyone else to find out about that. People can be so harsh."

"Right."

Izaya was very proud of his accomplishment. He sauntered to give Shinra a helping hand and the bit of pink apron caught Shizuo's attention. Shizuo blinked and realized that Kadota had just spent all this time nearly spooning with Izaya. Clothes on or not, Shizuo was not having any more of this. Before he quite knew what was happening tables were flying, egg shells were cracking, people were screaming and Izaya's tasty omelet was thrown in the air. Fortunately Kadota saw this coming and caught it, dodging Shizuo's fury and tiptoeing to a safe corner.

"Shizu-chan! My omelet, what are you doing!"

Shizuo came back to his senses again and noticed the chaos around.

"Oh. Sorry…wasn't on purpose…"

"I can't believe this! I worked so hard to cook and you had to just go and destroy everything, Shizu-chan is a big meanie!"

Shizuo gasped. Kadota timed his reentry in the scene very tactfully.

"Here, Izaya-kun. I saved it."

Izaya's eyes sparkled.

"Dotachin! You're my hero now! Thanks! We'll split it in three parts, for you, me and Shinra."

"How about me…?"

"Shizu-chan, you should just sit in a corner and reflect on your actions! And apologize to everyone."

Shizuo sighed and dragged heavy feet.

"Sorry…"

*

"Shizuo? It's almost been a week, will you let it go already!"

Shinra and Shizuo walked down a noisy street on a bright Saturday morning. Shizuo was too depressed to even notice the nice weather. As of late Izaya had been busy after school and he had the horrible suspicion that he was fooling around with Kadota behind his back. And just thinking about that was enough to have him fuming.

"Why don't we have a drink or something here? Might cheer you up."

Shizuo very much doubted it but he followed Shinra to the maid café nonetheless.

"Irashaimase!"

The familiar voice, ever co chirpy, went with the folds of a French maid outfit and a black skirt that showed plenty of leg and white stockings.

"Izaya? Is that you…?"

"Oh hi there, you guys! Let me get you the best table, my shift is over in five minutes so I'll be with you shortly!"

And with this Izaya led them to a spot next to the window and in no time returned with a parfait that he handed to Shizuo.

"On the house! To pay you back for the ice cream. That's the best parfait we have, do you want one as well Shinra? I'm afraid I can't get it for free…"

"That's okay, I'll have one too."

"Oh yay!"

Shizuo stared at the bouncing skirt as Izaya skipped away and he was still in mute shock by the time he was back and sat right next to him. Knees almost touching, in fact.

"Phew, so much work!"

Shinra coughed to see if Shizuo came back to Earth.

"So you're working here?"

"Yeah! I was just hanging about the other day and they offered me this job, the pay was good so I took it."

"I didn't know they hired boys for this kind of place."

Shizuo blinked and blinked some more.

"Izaya is prettier than girls. Ruffles…"

"Shizu-chan, I'm still mad at you for nearly ruining my omelet. But we're all best friends still! Anyway, I was surprised that they hired me too. And at first I was suspicious…every since the ootoro man incident I've been rather on the defensive."

Shinra had to ask.

"The ootoro man incident?"

Izaya nodded, his headpiece very noticeable in its exuberance.

"Yes. When I was four or so I was playing at this park when a guy offered me ootoro if I followed him. Now, I knew I wasn't supposed to go along with strangers but it was ootoro and I am weak when it comes to fatty tuna."

Shizuo started.

"That's no good!"

"Turns out he wanted to sell me to some shady people but thankfully a nice policeman saved me. But this job is not like that at all! It's actually very nice, I get to meet so many new people and talk."

Izaya smiled happily. Shizuo melted.

"Does the owner know you're a boy?"

"Of course he does, Shinra! I was surprised as well but he said that traps are very popular nowadays. I'm not at all trap material but who cares! This outfit doesn't have pockets, though."

"So this is what you've been doing after school?"

"Yes! I've been learning the ropes from the girls. They're all very nice and help me put on these frilly clothes."

Shizuo flailed at this.

"Wait, why are girls getting you dressed? I should be the one doing that."

"He'd end up naked if you were to dress him and that defeats the purpose altogether."

Izaya was gingerly oblivious of this exchange.

"I'm used to dresses from cosplaying as the Rose Bride for Mairu so it's not too bad. The shoes are flat and that helps a lot but the underwear is lacy and meant for girls…so my extra bits, so to speak, make it very uncomfortable."

Izaya squirmed a bit on his seat as if to make a point. Shizuo tried not to imagine pretty panties with bows on the front and with a thong-like back. He failed.

"Can I see…?"

Izaya lifted an eyebrow inquisitively.

"You meant the panties?"

"Yeah…"

Shinra shook his head. Shizuo lacked subtlety and was shooting himself in the foot time and time again. So Shinra nearly fell off his chair when Izaya replied.

"Sure!"

"Really?"

"Yeah. I always carry an extra clean pair. Here."

And without further ado Izaya handed him a piece of black see through lingerie. Shizuo was so stunned that he did not notice Kadota arriving, not even when he sat in front of him and chattered with Izaya.

"Pan- panties…!"

"Shizu-chan, can I have those back? They're expensive and I need them to work."

Shizuo pouted.

"Oh, sure. And what are you doing here?"

He finally noticed Kadota.

"I called Dotachin here!"

Shizuo glowered evilly, sending off an almost visible aura of menacing intent.

"What the hell for!"

"Dotachin is helping me talk to this girl…"

"What the hell, Izaya and girls? That's just wrong! Izaya-kun, listen to me. You're very gay. Tell him, Shinra!"

"Tell him what?"

"Some, er, sciency things."

Izaya crossed his arms.

"Hey, don't go deciding my sexual orientation without me. Why should I be gay? I'm totally not!"

"Well, you're too cute, and hot, and you're wearing a dress!"

"It's a maid café, Shizu-chan. The dress is just my work uniform."

"Still…I mean, we did all those things and…just tell him, Shinra!"

Shinra adjusted his glasses.

"Shizuo, ever heard of 'bisexual'?"

"I'm not good at math."

Izaya perked up.

"Oh, it's not like binary code, is it?"

"…no."

Kadota decided to clear the waters.

"It means that some people are attracted to both genders."

Izaya pointed a finger.

"Oh, sure! I remember now, I know I'd heard the term somewhere before."

Shizuo considered this. Then,

"What! I have to compete with guys and girls? That's just not fair! Damn!"

"Shizu-chan, you've been acting really weird. Maybe you had too much sugar. Anything I can do to make you feel better?"

Izaya touched his hand lightly and smiled his sweetest smile. Shizuo turned into a pile of goo.

"You could, you know…strip?"

Shinra face palmed. Kadota shook his head. Izaya recoiled.

"You're just awful! Why are you so mean to me, here I was worrying and you- you- big meanie!"

"I didn't mean it like that! Just, if you stripped you'd be more comfortable! Yeah!"

It was all Shizuo could think of. Izaya looked at him suspiciously.

"I'm not too sure I believe that. I think you just want to have me arrested for public indecency again."

Kadota did not know how Izaya could be so dim about this entire situation. It was one of the great mysteries of life.

"No, no, no, totally not! Handcuffs…naked Izaya and handcuffs-"

Izaya jumped to his feet.

"Now that's just rude! You better watch out, Shizu-chan, or one of these days I'll make sure you're the one landing in jail for this! Even if I have to frame you!"

And so it would be, eventually. Shizuo missed the outburst altogether because he was too entertained by this new mental image. Kadota made his move.

"Izaya, when are you meeting Yagiri-san again?"

He sat down again and blushed lightly, turning to a shade of pale pink that matched his ribbons.

"Next week. We're watching Grave of the Fireflies."

Shinra blinked.

"Just how many times have you watched that movie?"

"Twenty two, no twenty four times!"

"Don't you get tired of it?"

"Never! It's so sad, just so sad. I cry every single time."

And tears brimmed Izaya's eyes which gave Kadota an excuse to offer him some of his sundae.

"There, just eat something sweet, it'll cheer you up."

Kadota tried his best smile and indeed Izaya ate from his spoon, tongue flickering some white foamy stuff. But he began to cry anew.

"They didn't have any food and here I am, with all these sweet goodies! It's so unfair! Dotachin-"

Kadota was not particularly sorry because now was the perfect time to hold Izaya and do some consoling. Which was part of his grander plan of offering all the comfort he could once this Namie girl dumped Izaya. For the time being, however, he was foiled by a small boy that popped out of nowhere.

"It's okay. We eat their share. Live their share, too. Make them happy."

"Kasuka-chan! When did you get here!"

Immediately Izaya scooped him into his arms and hugged him tightly. Kadota was sure that he saw a hint of smugness to the deadpan attitude.

"Just arrived."

In fact, Kasuka had followed Izaya to his working place and had been biding his time hidden behind a menu that just happened to be big enough to hide him.

"That was so deep of you, Kasuka-chan! You're such a smart boy. It's a shame your brother isn't like you."

Izaya sat Kasuka on his knee, his stocking covered knee even.

"Onii-chan is dumb."

Shinra nodded.

"But Kasuka-chan, aren't you here with Shizu-chan?"

"No. Alone."

"What? Shizu-chan! Did you let your little brother walk around Tokyo all by himself?"

Shizuo blinked and woke up from his reverie.

"Huh? Oh, Kasuka. When did you get here?"

"Heiwajima Shizuo! This cannot possibly be. How can you let a pretty child like Kasuka-chan be on his own like this!"

"He does that all time, I don't see what's the big deal-"

"You don't see?!"

Izaya was getting worked up and going into 'Onii-chan' mode. Which meant plenty of stabbing the air, this time with a strawberry impaled on a fork.

"He's used to it."

"What if he gets kidnapped! Cute children are targets! Just imagine if ootoro man finds him!"

Clearly, Izaya was very indignant. Kadota was not stupid enough to say that it made him look absolutely hot. Shizuo was just clueless.

"Ootoro man?"

"Now listen to me, Kasuka-chan. Don't follow strangers, even if they offer you tasty tuna, no matter how fatty it may be! You must be an angel to put up with such a brute of a big brother."

Shinra piped,

"He's just missing wings and a halo."

Kasuka nodded. The glasses geek was not a threat anyway.

"I understand."

At this point some of the maids gathered around the table, curious as to what was going on.

"Aw, is that your brother, Izaya?"

"I thought you only had sisters?"

Izaya stopped playing with Kasuka for a bit.

"Kasuka-chan isn't my brother! He's Shizuo's."

"Eh? But you two look so alike!"

Kasuka looped his arms around Izaya and kissed him on the cheek.

"Love Izaya-nii."

The girls aww'd. Shizuo looked from Kasuka to Izaya, then from Izaya to Kasuka. His brain made a connection it should never have made and he was on his feet thundering.

"Shut up! They don't look anything alike! What the fuck, that'd be like incest!"

"Shizu-chan, you don't deserve to be a big brother! Swearing in front of Kasuka-chan, letting him incur great danger-"

"My house is two blocks away…"

"-and saying such horrible things. I decided that you must learn how to become a proper Onii-chan. So you're going to watch Grave of the Fireflies with Yagiri-san and me."

"Alright! Hot date! Ha, sucks being you Kadota! No wait…Yagiri-san?"

Clearly Shizuo's brain was on a lag of sorts. Izaya adjusted his ruffles with Kasuka's help.

"Thanks, Kasuka-chan. On second thought, why don't you just drop by my house on Saturday? I have the DVD. And I'll just keep the appointment with Yagiri-san on Sunday."

Shizuo blinked.

"Oh, you and me, home alone…?"

Kadota would never allow that.

"Izaya, I've wanted to watch that movie for a long time now. Mind if I join you?"

"Of course not! Shinra, want to come as well?"

Shinra shrugged.

"Why not. But are you really going to watch the same movie twice back to back like that?"

"Sure am!"

Izaya clapped, his outfit becoming all a-bounce with its many ribbons and bits of lace. Shizuo banged his head on the table.

"No! Why all the people!"

Kasuka played with Izaya's headpiece.

"Izaya-nii, I want to watch it too."

"Sorry, Kasuka-chan! It's a movie for grownups. When you're older we can watch it together."

Izaya patted the child's head. Shizuo perked up.

"For grownups? You mean, like porn? You're watching porn with a girl- hey, what was that for!"

Without further ado Izaya poured a parfait over Shizuo's head.

"Serves you right for insulting such a masterpiece! And how could you even imply such a thing about Yagiri-san!"

Kasuka nodded. He disliked girls who got near Izaya just as much but was too smart to blab about it.

"Dump Onii-chan in Tokyo bay."

Shinra chuckled.

"Oh, he only needs wings alright. Angel Kasuka, heh."

Kadota steered the conversation back on track.

"So Izaya, how are things going with Yagiri-san?"

"About that, I was wondering if maybe I could…you know, hold hands…that kind of thing."

It occurred to Shizuo at this point that Izaya and girls counted as hot lesbian action. Before he could quite share this insight, however, Shinra shoved a crepe into his mouth and asked,

"Just how long have you been seeing this Yagiri-san?"

"Let me see, we've been to the movies ten times and then had some ice cream together, so that would about a month."

"Please tell me it wasn't the same movie every time…"

"Of course it was, Shinra!"

"…of course. But wait, ten dates and you haven't even held her hand?"

Izaya blushed again, this time to the shade of the strawberry on which he now nipped.

"I don't want to be too forward. Yagiri-san is a very serious girl. With her family business, and taking care of her little brother, she is smart and pretty."

"By the way, I've been wondering about this for the longest of times but do you people have parents? With all this 'taking care of my younger siblings' talk."

Then Shinra remembered his own father's oddities and added,

"Okay, just forget I ever asked."

Izaya turned to Kadota.

"Ah, Dotachin! Sei-chan isn't an easy child, I can tell. I feel Yagiri-san's pain! But do you think it would be okay to maybe give her a present?"

"That kinda depends, do you have anything in mind already?"

"This!"

Izaya skipped to a nearby rack to get his jacket and produced a ring.

"She'll think you want to marry her…"

Izaya gasped dramatically.

"I hadn't thought of that! Dotachin, I'm so glad I can talk to you about these things!"

Shinra shook his head.

"Just what kind of world do you live in, Izaya?"

"Hmm…what will I do with this ring now, it's so pretty. Oh well! I guess I'll wear it myself, then!"

Izaya twirled around some.

"Why on Earth would you give her a ring anyway?"

"Well, Yagiri-san isn't very girlish so I wanted to get her something along those lines. But really, this is all so complicated. Children are so easier to deal with! Especially nice kids like Kasuka-chan!"

And to make the point clearer Izaya resumed his seat and hugged Kasuka who did not mind it one bit.

"Why don't we go pick her some other gift, then?"

"Yay! Dotachin, great idea!"

And so Izaya spent the next two hours window shopping with a brooding Shizuo, a helpful Kadota, an amused Shinra and an angelic Kasuka that was about to sprout wings and take to the sky.

"How about this bracelet?"

"Oh, I think that would be nice!"

Shizuo muttered something about how Izaya should have kept his maid uniform. They parted shortly because Izaya had to pick up his sisters and Shizuo sobbed as soon as he was gone.

"Didn't even get a striptease session."

"Cheer up, Shizuo. Only one week to go and you can finally see Izaya's place!"

*

And indeed, at 3 pm sharp Shizuo was ringing the doorbell to the Orihara household.

"Shizu-chan! You're the first to arrive! Yay, make yourself at home! Want some tea?"

"…frills!"

Izaya blinked then looked down at his pink maid outfit now with added lacy stuff puffing out from the hem.

"Oh, this? It's the spring uniform at the café. It is shorter than the regular one so I was a bit uneasy about wearing it…so the girls at work told me to wear it around the house so that I'd get used to it. I'm still not too sure, though."

Izaya led Shizuo to his room and turned around a few times in front of the mirror, adjusting an absurdly big bow at the back and observing his reflection with great attention. It occurred to Shizuo that Izaya selfcest would completely blow his mind. Fortunately he did not utter such wisdom.

"Looks good."

Izaya tapped his chin.

"You think? I supposed it's fine for girls but in my case it can be complicated…I mean, at times I have to bend down – like this, you see – to pick up trays and I don't want the costumers to see more than they should."

Shizuo most definitely did see. He reached out to grab Izaya's pert ass that was ever so round underneath the silky panties that were rather visible. Izaya skipped away.

"Your tea! I'll go get it! Is green fine? Oolong?"

"Either one."

Left alone in Izaya's room Shizuo found himself looking around curiously. Shelf upon shelf filled most of the place and Shizuo blinked at the rows of encyclopedias, books on computing, information systems, sociology, child rearing (which had Shizuo's mind wandering off to thoughts of motherly Izaya carrying their children), and other topics that Shizuo did not even recognize.

"Here it is! One cup for me, one cup for Shizu-chan."

Izaya sat and his already skimpy skirt rode up. Shizuo turned to the books to keep himself from staring too much.

"You've read all of these?"

"Yeah. I like reading, it's so much fun! I just got this volume on string theory and it is absolutely fascinating."

"Strings…as in, those in thongs…?"

Izaya blinked rapidly.

"Oh, I see! Good one, Shizu-chan! You're so funny."

When Izaya laughed behind his hands as he did now it became nearly impossible not to simply jump on him. And there was a bed nearby. Shizuo would have done it, too, but Izaya bounced to pick up something on a lower shelf and that just happened to include a lot of bending indeed.

"Want to go through some photo albums while we wait for the others?"

"Oh, sure."

"This is Mairu and Kururi at the hospital shortly after they were born! I was the first to hold them! Aren't they precious? This is their first bath- don't let Mairu find out that I showed you this, please. It is so cute but she'd bite off my head if she knew. She's at that age."

Izaya looked around suspiciously as if he expected his sister to jump out of nowhere. The bell chiming interrupted this.

"Yay! Everyone's here now! We can all see pictures of my sisters!"

Indeed, Izaya returned with Kadota (blushing a bit because this new outfit was really something else and Izaya had just showed them how uncomfortable it was to bend) and a Shinra who was all smiles.

"I'll get you all pillows! Can't believe I forgot that."

"So…what were you doing?"

"We were going over photo albums! These were the first pictures of my sisters, ever! No wait! I also have the sonogram!"

Shinra chuckled. Kadota put on his most diplomatic face on and said,

"I'd love to see that."

Izaya found it immediately (because he kept it next to his bedside table) and displayed it proudly.

"I was so happy when I knew I was going to be an Onii-chan not once but twice at the same time! You can see here, that's Mairu and that's Kururi. So cute, aren't they!"

Kadota looked at the blurs.

"They really are."

Shizuo blinked at them.

"Can't make out anything."

"What do you mean, you can't see! Here, try on Shinra's glasses."

Without further ado Izaya placed them on Shizuo's nose.

"Izaya, give those back!"

"See, Shizu-chan? That's Mairu, that's Kururi."

Shizuo could even less now.

"How can you tell?"

"See where the two shapes join? That's Mairu biting Kururi."

Shinra retrieved his glasses. Kadota decided to use this to his advantage.

"See, Izaya, it's not your fault. She already bit in utero."

Izaya hugged Kadota and nearly drowned him in ruffles.

"Thanks, Dotachin! You're right! I feel so reassured now."

Meanwhile Shinra was turning the pages and wondering just how many pictures of the twins Izaya had lying around. Shizuo was going to put an end to all this too friendly contact between Kadota and Izaya but Shinra made that unnecessary by pointing to a picture of kid Izaya.

"Izaya, just for the record…does your father know Shizuo's mother?"

"I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

"Well, you sure look like Kasuka when you were his age."

Izaya and Shizuo both blinked.

"Hey, that's not nice of you to imply, Shinra."

"That's right! Don't you go adding incest vibes to this!"

Shizuo gesticulated wildly. Kadota studied the picture and had to admit that there most definitely they did look alike. Izaya shook his head.

"Enough of this, it's movie time! Grave of the Fireflies! A minute of silence first."

True to his world Izaya bowed his head solemnly and remained silent for a while. Then he put on the DVD and turned to Shizuo.

"Now Shizu-chan, I hope that you pay close attention and learn a few things on how to become a first rate Onii-chan."

Shizuo was not expecting to watch much of the movie, instead his plans including looking at Izaya. However, halfway through it he was sobbing and by the end Shizuo was bawling like a little kid. Even Kadota and Shinra had to wipe away a few tears from their eyes while Izaya wept quietly the whole time. Shizuo wrapped his arms around Izaya and pulled him in.

"So sad, that was just so sad, Izaya! I'll promise I'll be a good brother from now on!"

"So moving."

Izaya spoke in between sobs. Kadota cursed his luck, apparently acting like a child was the best way of getting Izaya's affections because he cuddled against Shizuo's body without complaining. Shinra adjusted his glasses, wiping the tear smeared lenses, and coughed to keep his voice from shaking.

"That was a masterpiece of tragedy all around. But I'm not too sure what the lesson you wanted Shizuo to learn from this…I mean, don't they both die in the end?"

Shizuo jumped to his feet still holding Izaya and accidently flashing Shinra and Kadota.

"Don't remind him of that!"

"And, and, it's based on a real story."

Shinra sighed, this was getting far too depressing. Kadota had to intervene.

"Seita was very inspiring."

"Ah, now you know why I always cry watching this. You can't be human if you don't end up shedding a tear or two. And Setsuko, Setsuko-"

Izaya was crying again. Shizuo simply had to lie him in bed and clamber on top of him.

"Don't be sad. I'll…erm, make you happy, yes."

With that said Shizuo was not exactly sure of what to do in order to achieve such a worthy goal. Izaya tried to pull down the skirt so that it would cover at least his stocking covered knees.

"This is too short."

"No, no, can never be too short!"

Kadota offered Izaya a bit of ootoro that he had brought just for this.

"Fatty tuna, have some."

"Oh yay! I'm eating this for Seita and Setsuko's sake, so much love to them."

And with this Izaya seemed to have forgotten all about Shizuo and proceeded to chug down the tasty fish.

"Stupid Kadota, don't go feeding him just when I'm about to score!"

"You do realize there are two more people in the room, right?"

"Screw you! I was this close- Izaya…"

Said Izaya was obliviously sucking on the ootoro, smiling contently all along. Shizuo wanted to eat him up right there and then.

"Dotachin, this sushi is so good!"

Izaya stretched and rubbed his tear smeared eyes.

"Ah, I wish they'd do something about this outfits. I mean, look. When I do this you can see everything."

Izaya walked on all fours on bed to make the point. Which he did perfectly. His buttocks stood out from the frills and as he sat cross legged, the silky fabric of his panties was perfectly visible in all its glory. Shinra adjusted his glasses.

"I don't think you'll have to walk on all fours at the café. At least I hope not."

"But you see, at times costumers drop things and I have to pick them up."

Shizuo jabbed a finger in the air.

"Those pervs! They drop things on purpose, I bet! They want to, to, erm, steal your virtue!"

Shinra rejoinder mirrored Kadota's unspoken opinion.

"I think you're just judging others by your standards. And 'steal your virtue'? What century are you living on? When I marry Celty we'll have our first time together, ah, it'll be so special. But you're choice of words is just silly."

Izaya crossed his arms and nodded.

"Shizu-chan is right about that, though! I believe in no sex until marriage. Ha, it's time to prepare my sisters' lunches! I'll be back soon!"

Izaya bounced away. Shinra waited until he was gone to produce a package of condoms.

"I'm not too sure which of you I should give these too and apparently Izaya-kun is a very virtuous boy so I might as well keep them, I guess."

Shizuo snatched the package.

"Give me that! I'll be the one doing Izaya."

Kadota would make sure that did not happen, then again, seeing how Shizuo shot himself in the foot that might not even be necessary. Case in point, Izaya-kun returned just in time to see Shizuo waving the condoms about.

"Shizu-chan, what's that! Is it pocky? I love pocky!"

Before Shizuo could come up with some excuse for this, Izaya had snatched the package and was disappointed at finding condoms instead of great chocolaty goodness.

"Where's the pocky? I don't need these for anything. Shizu-chan, that's just mean of you. I was getting my hopes high here. And shouldn't you be using this with your girlfriend instead of showing them to your friends?"

"Er, you see, er, well- wait, girlfriend? I don't have one…"

Izaya tapped his foot.

"Shizu-chan, I hope you're not that kind of guy who goes around bragging about your 'conquests' to your buddies. I really hate that. So disrespectful."

"You're misunderstanding it! These aren't even mine!"

Kadota stepped in. As much as he was enjoying seeing Shizuo ruin his chances, this was a golden opportunity to be exploited.

"Izaya, you should become familiar with condoms, though."

"Why? Like I said, I'm waiting for marriage!"

"Training. For your wedding night."

"Oh, hadn't thought of that!"

Izaya stretched a rubber with some interest. Kadota led him to bed where Izaya inspected the condoms with some curiosity.

"You want to make Yagiri-san happy, don't you?"

"Yeah…"

"Then why don't you let me coach you a bit? So that you can have a few pointers. It's not like you're cheating on her. I'm just a friend helping you out."

Shizuo thundered something.

"Shizu-chan, I'm not talking to you. Because you're so disrespectful. Dotachin has a point…but this is embarrassing…"

"What did I even do! Izaya!"

Meanwhile Izaya was reading the package.

"Oh, chocolate flavor!"

Shinra could not resist commenting.

"There you go, Izaya-kun. It's like pocky after all."

Izaya seemed to have taken this into account because he proceeded to put two fingers inside a black condom that he proceeded to lick, his tongue very pink against the rubber. Shizuo wiped away some drool.

"You're right! Chocolate is good."

Shinra had to wonder if Izaya was not doing this on purpose as he now sucked on his fingers and closed his eyes suggestively. Or perhaps Izaya was indeed too innocent for his own good.

Shizuo's brain short circuited. He simply pushed Izaya flat on his back, lifted the skimpy skirt and tossed out the silk panties.

"Shizu-chan, just what do you think you're doing?"

Shizuo was of course not thinking at all. He forgot all about the audience and after some fumbling managed to part Izaya's legs wide enough to push a throbbing erection inside. Izaya hissed and flailed angrily.

"So hot…ha! I win, Dotachin!"

Of all the times to remember that the bystanders this might be the worst possible. But buried to the hilt as he was and squeezed in delicious tight heat Shizuo was too happy at his triumph to be aware of any of that.

"Shizu-chan, will you stop already!"

Izaya tried to push him away to no avail. Shizuo blinked, a bit at a loss for words.

"Is today a fertile day for you? Sorry, didn't remember to wear a condom…"

"What?!"

"But it's okay, we can make some cute babies…pretty little Izayas."

Shizuo was getting carried away by this mental picture. That was when Izaya jabbed a knee into Shizuo's stomach with all he had. Normally he would not have made much of a difference but since Shizuo's guard was down and his balanced in the bed somewhat precarious he fall back and landed on the floor with a heavy thud. Izaya was on his feet immediately and giving him a few hard kicks after putting on some shoes.

"You're absolutely awful! I'm a boy! How can you possibly miss that! Fertile days? Shizu-chan, I hate you now!"

Izaya made that very clear with a few more kicks.

"Argh…that hurts!"

In his outrage Izaya had not even bothered to get dressed so he was still half naked, finger pointing at Shizuo who remained curled on the floor.

"Rape hurts much more! I'm done being friends with you! And for the last time, just look at me, what part of me looks female to you!"

Kadota shook his head. Now this was more than he had hoped for. Shizuo looked up to see elegant legs, a slim waist, and then the half of the pink outfit that was rather disheveled by now. Heiwajima Shizuo had no idea of what a rhetorical question might be.

"Those hips…so sexy."

For his ignorance Shizuo paid with another kick. And then Izaya flung himself right into Kadota's arms who had positioned himself for that exact purpose.

"Dotachin, I've never been so insulted in my entire life, how can Shizu-chan be so mean!"

"There, there."

Kadota took the chance for wrapping his arms around Izaya who was now sobbing uncontrollably. Shinra adjusted his glasses.

"The weirdest part is that you know about fertile days but still think two males can reproduce."

"But Shinra, Izaya is a whole different gender…"

An encyclopedia landed on Shizuo and nearly knocked him out. Shinra had never seen such a display of honest stupidity.

"Shut up, Shizu-chan! Forget biology lessons, you need to have your head checked!"

Shizuo considered making a very touching declaration of his undying love at this point. He decided against it because a lamp landed on him next.

"Pain….so much pain."

"You're bleeding on the carpet!"

Shizuo struggled to get on his knees and smile.

"It's okay, I've been hurt way worse before."

"Who cares! You're making a mess!"

Shinra dragged Shizuo away.

"Let's just go to the kitchen or something before Izaya-kun ends up killing you."

"But- but that Kadota guy wants to take advantage of Izaya- ouch!"

Izaya's aim was faultless as he hit Shizuo with his shoes, leaving Shinra to give up on his plans because Shizuo passed out. Izaya cuddled into Kadota's embrace and sobbed a bit.

"So awful, Dotachin. Just so awful."

Kadota moved from brushing his hair in a soothing gesture to caressing his back.

"Don't let it ruin your day, Izaya."

"Dotachin…"

Kadota kissed him, softly at first and then deeply as he eased him on his back and trailed hands over Izaya's lean body. Apparently rage was something of a turn on because Izaya was half erect already and a few light touches were all it took to have him dripping unto the covers. Kadota made sure that Izaya was a bit breathless before touching his nipples through the weird maid top.

"Izaya, can I do it to you? So that you can know what to do when your wedding night rolls by. It's not exactly the same, of course, since you're a boy but still."

Izaya flailed a bit.

"But…"

"It's okay, it's not like you'd lose your virginity in the front so it doesn't count."

In the background Shinra face palmed. This was so obviously an excuse that there was no way anyone would buy it.

"Oh yeah, you've got a point!"

Shinra had heard that some people's notion of what consisted losing one's virginity meant but this was too blatant. And he could not even begin to understand how Izaya failed to see it. Meanwhile Kadota was already undressing himself, condom in hand.

"Izaya, will you let me help you?"

"Sure, Dotachin!"

Shinra had to admit that Kadota was a smooth operator for all his apparent dimness. Kadota poured a generous amount of lube on his fingers and settled between Izaya's legs parting his knees.

"This'll feel a bit weird at first but just bear with it, okay?"

"Okay!"

Unlike Shizuo, Kadota knew that the preliminaries were important and so he slid in one finger, slowly, stretching as he watched Izaya's every reaction. Izaya simply looked curious. Kadota added another finger.

"Does it hurt?"

"It's just weird."

Kadota rotated his fingers and spread them before making it free and slowly put them in and out until Izaya jolted forward and moaned, surprised at the suddenness of pleasure.

"Dotachin- that thing you just did, do it again."

Kadota was very glad to comply. Izaya's eyes were heavy lidded and his breathing rapid. Kadota removed his fingers and thus interrupted the sweet buzz in which Izaya was afloat. Izaya pouted.

"Don't be mean, Dotachin!"

Kadota had already put on a condom and lubed it up but he might as well go through the formalities to make sure he scored.

"Can I put it in, then?"

"…okay. Good thing you're not as big as Shizu-chan."

So much for bigger being better, Kadota thought. And then he could not think any further because he was slipping his erection inside tight pressure that just by itself was overwhelming. Kadota had to stop to catch his breath. Izaya squirmed a bit beneath him.

"Sorry, does it hurt?"

"A bit. But aren't you supposed to move?"

To Kadota's surprise Izaya shifted and crossed his legs around his lower back, urging the next thrust that hit just the right spot. Izaya almost immediately picked up a rhythm timed with Kadota's rather erratic pattern. As good as this was, Izaya was not satisfied with the performance and he made a mental note to go at it steady when that fabled wedding night rolled by.

"Dotachin- faster-"

It was already taking all that Kadota had not to simply go all out and this did away with such niceties. He buried himself to the hilt repeatedly, picking up speed with each thrust. Izaya's panting breaths and moans were fuel to his fire and it did not take much of this frantic hitting of flesh on flesh for Kadota to come. Izaya followed shortly after, moving in tandem with the impact that melted his insides as he released on Kadota's stomach. Kadota did not withdraw immediately, his afterglow made him very lazy so when he kissed Izaya next, it was sloppily. Izaya sighed contently enough.

"So nice, Dotachin…"

At length Kadota slipped out and cleaned himself. Izaya stretched, winced a bit and then rolled on his side. Shinra adjusted his glasses and thanked the heavens that Shizuo was still out.

"Are you okay, Izaya?"

"Just a tad sleepy."

And with this Izaya fell asleep.

*

"KADOTA!"

It was the next school day and Shizuo, having heard what had happened while he was unconscious, was now about to kill Kadota which included chasing him first. Shizuo was about to hurl the desk that he carried when Izaya popped out of nowhere and announced,

"My life is over!"

Shizuo suddenly came to a halt and nearly fell as the momentum carried him forward.

"Izaya! Did that Kadota do something bad to you? Don't worry, I'll kill him for you!"

Izaya wiped a tear.

"Will you stop with the violence, Shizu-chan! I'm in a horrible pinch and you're being nasty like always!"

"Oh my god, don't tell me you're pregnant?"

Izaya narrowed his eyes and nearly kicked him. Kadota tiptoed back to see what was going on.

"Haha, very funny. I don't have time to put up with you! Dotachin, guess what happened!"

And just like that Shizuo was dismissed.

"What?"

"They just called from the kindergarten. They said, they said- that Mairu was expelled! Because she bit one teacher too many! How can they do that to my imouto!"

"That's pretty mean…"

"And then they said they were kicking out Kururi as well! Because she just stares and doesn't speak so the other kids are freaked out by her. She's just a shy little girl! What horrible people!"

Kadota considered this problem.

"Can't you just enroll them in some other kindergarten?"

"It's mid term! It'll be difficult. And these people talk! They'll pass word. Just like it happened with the swimming pools. What will I do!"

Izaya was close to crying again.

"Hey, don't worry. I'm sure we'll figure something out. Why don't you try talking to the teachers again and explain the situation?"

Not that Kadota believed that the situation could actually be explained. Izaya surprised him with a sly smile.

"About that, since they were absolutely horrid to my dear sisters I hacked into their database and wiped it out completely. Then I got into the City Hall mainframe and made it so it looked like they hadn't paid some taxes. In other words, the kindergarten is bankrupt as of now! Serves them right! That'll teach them never to be unkind to Kururi and Mairu!"

Shizuo perked up.

"Yeah! Want me to beat them up for you?"

To Kadota's horror Izaya seemed to consider this.

"Hmm…in principle I don't believe in violence but I may reconsider."

"Great!"

Kadota was not sure just why Shizuo was so happy at this prospect.

"Anyway, I couldn't just leave them home alone and I don't trust the neighbors. I thought about staying home with them but that just wouldn't do! I must set a proper example and that means not skipping class!"

Kadota was even a bit afraid of asking.

"So…what did you do?"

"I brought them with me. They're in the storage room. I hope no one finds out! That's why I need your help."

They found Shinra and again Izaya told his story with the same self righteous indignation. At the end of it Shinra adjusted his glasses and wondered why he was surrounded by insane people.

"Remind me never to get on your bad side."

"They had it coming, Shinra!"

Shizuo leapt to agree.

"Yeah! Being mean to little girls like that!"

"I supposed that expelling the sister that doesn't bite is unfair but the other one-"

"Mairu bites a way of expressing herself! You just can't stifle children."

"Right…"

"As my friends I hope you'll help me!"

Shizuo jumped up and down.

"Oh, oh, do I count as a friend?"

"I suppose…since it's for my sisters' sake. I need you to take turns setting guard in front of the storage room! And I must check on them."

They followed Izaya into the hiding place and finally, after so much anticipation, Shinra, Kadota and Shizuo were about to meet the infamous sisters.

"Kururi! Sorry to keep you here in this stuffy place, onii-chan will get you a new kindergarten soon, full of friends that can appreciate you. Where's Mairu…?"

Kururi was silent which they were beginning to realize was the rule. Kadota wondered if she was not a very pretty doll because the eyes were unblinking and without much expression.

"Oh no! Kururi is saying that Mairu is gone!"

"Did she even say anything….?"

"I can tell anyway! I must find her! Poor Mairu, all alone in a big scary school like this!"

Shinra had a feeling that it was more poor students with a crazy kid set loose in their midst, a sharp toothed one at that.

"Calm down, we'll help you look for them."

Shizuo was already dashing down the corridor. If he found the sister then his chances would improve considerably, especially since they were so low at the moment and could only go up. As luck would happen he spotted her right away, about to chew on some unsuspecting girl's ankle. Shizuo picked up Mairu, she did look a lot like Izaya, and then he forgot all about such things because she bit into his hand, dangling in the air from her jaw. It hurt a lot but Shizuo was not about to let that faze him. After some searching (and a lot of stares because he was now bleeding from those fangs) he found Izaya frantically looking about.

"Mairu! Are you okay, did mean Shizu-chan do anything to you?"

Never mind the fact that Shizuo was the one that was in serious pain. Izaya proceeded to pull Mairu who apparently was of the opinion that Shizuo's hand was very tasty because she refused to let go.

"Er, little girl, let go now?"

Izaya gasped in sheer surprise as Mairu obeyed.

"Shizu-chan! You have a way with her, that's amazing! And you saved her!"

Shizuo was pretty sure that if anything he had saved someone from being seriously bitten but Izaya's glow as he held the vicious demon child made Shizuo think of motherly!Izaya all over again. Fortunately he was smart enough not to voice this and instead opted for humility.

"Oh, it was nothing great. I just did what anyone else would've done."

Izaya shook his head.

"No way! You're my hero now! How can I ever repay you!"

Mairu sank her fangs into Izaya's hand. Shizuo almost said 'lap dance' but managed to bite his tongue at the last moment.

"I got some coupons for an amusement park- want to come with me?"

Shizuo was almost sure that Izaya would turn him down.

"Sure! We can all go!"

"Er, I only have two and you know, I was thinking you and me could go alone…"

Izaya seemed to consider this for a bit.

"Okay!"

Shizuo could have jumped for joy.

*

Somehow Izaya and his friends managed to hide Mairu and Kururi and the next day Izaya found a 'proper kindergarten' as he put it. Apparently it belonged to the Yagiri group and Izaya was very pleased all around. Meanwhile he spread rumors that the former kindergarten served cockroach meals so that the already broke owners were dragged to court to answer quite a few questions. It was the beginning of a very profitable career in information manipulation for Orihara Izaya but for the time being he only saw it as-

"Justice has been made!"

Shinra adjusted his glasses.

"Didn't you lie? And told other people those lies?"

"I wouldn't say I lied, not exactly at least. Of course, no insects were served as food as far as I know and if that had happened I would know because I am a great onii-chan, but the spirit of their actions is totally the same. Because they were absolutely vicious to my dear sisters. Especially to Kururi! I mean, I love them both equally but Mairu does not really care about what others think. But Kururi is such a sensitive child! I just know that she was so sad at being expelled."

Shinra made a further mental note not to ever upset Izaya's sisters.

"You say that you 'just know', does this Kururi girl even speak?"

Shinra had been wondering, since he had not heard as much as a word from the two of them.

"Of course they speak! But even if they didn't, with the silent kind, you learn what they mean. Don't you feel the same with Kasuka-chan?"

Izaya turned to Shizuo who was planning his incoming date and not paying much attention. But he did blink a few times and say,

"Yeah. Sure. Kasuka doesn't say much."

Shinra thought that it was not at all the same even if Kasuka was a little devil.

"It's such a shame that Dotachin isn't here! Club activities really take a lot of time."

Shizuo flinched. He hated Kadota and was still going to kill him one of these days. Soon. There was no rush but it was a matter of principle.

*

"Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan! It's Disneyland! Disneyland!"

Indeed it was and Izaya was so excited that Shizuo was even a bit afraid he might end up falling with all the jumping up and down. Their date day had finally arrived and Shizuo could hardly believe his luck. But he was extremely nervous. Fortunately Izaya did not seem to notice since he was too busy running back and fro and being amazed at everything.

"Yeah, you like this place?"

Izaya halted on his tracks.

"'Like'? I don't like it, I love! It's so great! But Shizu-chan, wouldn't you rather be here with your brother?"

"Nah, it's okay."

"If you say so…we can always come back, all of us! Oh, I want to go on that!"

And with this Izaya took Shizuo by the hand and dragged him to the giant spinning teacups. Shizuo was not a fan of these rides, they gave him a bad headache but at least it was not a rollercoaster. And the first time was not too bad. Izaya 'yay'ed' happily through it all. As soon as the rotating cups stopped he was on his feet.

"Let's go again!"

"What…?"

"Again Shizu-chan, again!"

It was something that Shizuo had always wanted to hear but not in this context. Shizuo's idea consisted of Izaya begging him to give it to him hard. Instead, Izaya meant that some more spinning was without a doubt in order. True to his word Izaya proceeded to spend the next hour merrily spinning. He did not get dizzy but simply even bubblier. As for Shizuo he stumbled away from the ride and nearly fell a few times until he managed to collapse on a nearby bench. Izaya sat next to him.

"This is so much fun! What do you want to do next? Try that giant rollercoaster? Or check out the castle, it might have nice things that my sisters would like! Oh and there's this merry-go-round, too!"

The thought on embarking on any ride was currently dreadful and much more so on one that went in circles yet again.

"Okay, in a sec. Let me just lie here for a while."

"Sure! We still have plenty of attractions to try out, this place is huge!"

Izaya chattered a bit more, Shizuo barely heard him.

"Shizu-chan! That's Yagiri-san, right there! With her brother! What should I do…"

This got Shizuo's attention and he forced himself to peer in the direction of Izaya's finger even if it gave him a horrible headache and it took a lot of effort for his eyes to clear. When they did he spotted a very pretty girl with massive hair that went all the way to her lower back, she was wearing some weird white outfit that Shizuo disliked instinctively and even more when he realized that it was a lab coat, which reminded him of pesky doctors and nurses. He tried rubbing his eyes a few times but this Yagiri person remained very pretty indeed. Shizuo was mildly surprised that there wasn't a hint of loli to her.

Meanwhile Izaya was rubbing his chin and in deep thought. He wanted to say hi but Sei-chan was indeed a difficult child and he did not want to impinge on a precious family moment. And there was also Shizuo who he knew would blurt out something absolutely awful at the worst moment possible.

"Oh well, let them have fun together! Back to the Teacups, Shizu-chan! So much better than a swivel chair!"

Shizuo was almost glad. At least no Yagiri-san would get in the way. A few rides and countless rotations later he was not all that sure. The sun was already beginning to sink in the sky when Izaya finally decided to call it quits. And all this without so much as a kiss, holding hands, nothing. On top of which Shizuo was so sick that he could not walk straight and ended up landing on his face. Which turned out to be a good thing because Izaya was immediately all over him, making a fuss.

"Shizu-chan! You're unwell! You should rest, let's get you home."

And so Izaya dragged Shizuo into a taxi and helped Shizuo to his bedroom. By now Shizuo was almost back to normal but it occurred to him, in a very rare moment of insight, that playing sick was perfect.

"You really should clean your room a bit, you know."

Kasuka seemed to materialize on the threshold, as flatly as ever.

"Izaya-nii. Hugs."

"Kasuka-chan! Sorry, but your brother isn't too well. I'll play with you later, okay?"

"Okay. Use pillow on Onii-chan."

With childish candor Kasuka applied a large pillow to his brother's face. Or with evil intent. Izaya thought that it was sweet but not wise.

"There, there, Kasuka-chan. You might kill Onii-chan if you do that."

"I know. That's the idea. I mean….nya."

Kasuka had learn from his precocious acting career that you could get away with saying (or doing, really) anything as long as you looked kiddish, cute, and added a moe catchword at the end of your sentences. Izaya picked him up and placed him in the living room in front of the TV and with a lollipop.

"Shizu-chan, what can I do for you? Maybe get you some medicine? Aspirin?"

Shizuo nearly blew it all by saying 'put on an apron and nothing else' but apparently all the spinning had a good effect on his usually semi dormant brain.

"A cup of water will do."

Izaya returned with one. And Shizuo nearly choked on the water as Izaya added,

"You must be uncomfortable, lying down with those clothes on. Might be better if you undress, I'll help- Shizu-chan, are you okay?"

Shizuo was quite fine but he found himself spluttering so hard that he could not quite speak.

Izaya was very close, patting Shizuo in the back, his worried face a whole new level of cute that did not make matters any better.

"-kay, fine."

Izaya peered straight into his eye to make sure of this and Shizuo blushed intensely.

"You look a bit hot. Fever?"

Izaya brought his lips to Shizuo's burning forehead to confirm.

"I-zaya-kun, I don't have a fever-"

"Better safe than sorry, I say!"

Izaya got rid of Shizuo's shirt and was already working on unbuckling the belt.

"Er, Izaya-kun, you see…"

"There you go! Now get on bed and I'll make some tea."

Shizuo crawled under the sheets. He considered masturbating to get rid of a very awkward erection but he was terrified of being caught in the act. Since he knew how unlucky a person he could be. And in no time Izaya was indeed back with a steaming cup.

"Drink it up, Shizu-chan!"

Shizuo did so and burnt his tongue in the process. Izaya tsked and took it to himself to blow on the tea then taking some into his mouth which he proceeded to give to Shizuo, lip to lip. Shizuo nearly died.

"I-zaya-kun…"

"What's with the stammering? Maybe you're worse than I thought!"

Shizuo tried to think under such difficult conditions.

"Er, I'm just a bit tired…"

He regretted this immediately, Izaya would simply leave now.

"Oh, want me to read you a story or something?"

It was not exactly what Shizuo had in mind. He figured he might as well go for it.

"No, but, you know- it'd be nice if you could, you know…kiss me?"

Izaya blinked. And blinked again.

"Say what?"

"I just feel left out. With that Kadota and you doing, er, stuff…it's like I'm not a real friend to you…"

"Shizu-chan! That's just silly. We're all best friends."

"But that's how I feel…"

"Hmm…that's not good! I suppose I could do it with you as well."

Izaya sounded tentative at best but Shizuo was giddy and ready to pounce. In fact, he almost did.

"Really?"

Izaya just shrugged.

"I don't mind terribly but you're really big. And there's no condom-"

"No worries! I got a whole package! And lube, too!"

Which indeed Shizuo did, which he now produced from the bedside table. Izaya was not fully convinced yet.

"But there's a minor at home…"

"All good, I'll just lock the door.

Shizuo nodded and went ahead and did just that. Izaya reached a decision.

"Okay. I suppose you don't last much anyway."

Shizuo did not know that having a lousy performance could ever be a good thing but apparently this world was full of such unexpected things. Izaya was still undressing him when Shizuo jumped on him, hands roving under clothes, humping him against the mattress.

"Shizu-chan, wait. Why do you have to be so rough all the time?"

"Sorry…"

Shizuo pulled back.

"Just let me take care of the prep since I suspect you'd fail at it."

Once more, Shizuo had never thought that failing might be a good thing but it was so. Because Izaya was now naked and sitting on his bed, legs spread wide open, leaning back to pry a lubed up finger into his entrance, a faint blush coloring his pretty face. Shizuo did not lose a second of this. Izaya moaned a bit as he added more fingers and stretched. Shizuo watched him grow hard and begin to ooze. Izaya pumped himself until he was fully erect. Shizuo was drooling already and he saw white as Izaya removed his fingers with a sigh and said,

"Shizu-chan, I'm ready now…unless you've changed your mind?"

"No changing my mind, no."

Shizuo slipped in the condom and slowly entered him, remembering that going all out right away ended in disaster the last time he tried this. So slow and easy did the job. Unfortunately it was easier said and done. Just the pressure at the tip was difficult to handle and by the time he was fully buried Izaya bit his lip in the sexiest way Shizuo had ever seen.

"You really are big."

Izaya shifted underneath the bulky body that was about to smash him. Something occurred to Shizuo. He sat, keeping inside of Izaya who he positioned on his lap.

"Ride me…?"

It took some time for Izaya to adjust to this new position. He straddled Shizuo, moved a bit tentatively and almost passed out as Shizuo gave him a thrust that weak as it was sent a shock of pleasure up his spine.

"Oh…that was so good."

And it was all the incentive Shizuo needed. He squeezed Izaya's buttocks, increasing the tightness. Izaya's eyes rolled and his hands clenched on Shizuo's shoulders.

"Izaya…?"

Lust did away with honorifics.

"This is better, Shizu-chan."

Izaya showed that it was so by beginning to move at his pace which was slow for a while as he became more familiar with the pendulous motion that had his whole body turned to a bundle of nerve endings along which ran bouts of pleasure. He rocked forward and backward to tilt the angle just slightly and Shizuo matched him by hitting him from below.

"You're so hot…"

Shizuo had a few stock phrases and he resorted to this meager supply now. Izaya was more interested in kissing and in angling his hips so that each time he brought himself down unto the hardness that filled him there was a jolt of electricity that edged him a bit closer. He was already dripping pre-cum and when Shizuo formed a fist around his slippery length he toppled over, his pace growing frantic as orgasm washed over him. Shizuo came right away as he enjoyed the sight of Izaya writhing almost desperately on the throes of his climax. Izaya collapsed on top on him afterwards, smearing his release on Shizuo's belly.  
In the sweetness of his afterglow Shizuo kissed him deeply, brushed his slightly damp hair with his fingers and prepared a declaration that unfortunately (or not) did not become coherent enough to utter. Which might indeed have been for the best because Izaya then said with the biggest smile one could wish for:

"See, now we're all friends! Yay!"

*

The next day their class decided what to prepare for the cultural festival and it was a toss between café and haunted house. So Izaya suggested they combined the both and somehow the idea was approved. Probably because Shizuo fervently endorsed it and everyone was afraid of disagreeing with him.

"Okay, so Shizu-chan will dress as that Frankenstein monster- even if your legs are still on a cast-, Shinra gets to be a mad doctor, Dotachin will be a normal waiter. What am I supposed to be, then?"

Shizuo, of course, already knew.

"I think you should wear that maid outfit…the pink one. I mean, it's pretty. And it is a café so it makes sense."

"I guess. Oh and don't forget to invite Kasuka-chan! And Dotachin, make sure that little Erika and Walker come as well. I think I'll bring Kururi and Mairu too. It's okay if Mairu bites because it's a haunted café! That kind of thing is to be expected."

Shinra was tempted to remind Izaya that he just admitted that his sweet little sister was some sort of demon-like creature. Shizuo did not want to bring his brother along. After his wonderful hot steam session with Izaya Shizuo had found mousetraps in his shoes, which had been bad, it caused him to fall and hurt both legs, which was worse. And he suspected that only Kasuka could have done it. Fortunately he was more than used to get about in crutches.  
Kadota had yet to ask just what had happened between Izaya and Shizuo but clearly something had. Shinra just adjusted his glasses.

"Ah, I just remembered! I invited Yagiri-san! What will she think of me if she sees me wearing a maid outfit!"

Shinra was curious too.

"By the way, does this Yagiri-san have a face? We've never seen her. Do you have a picture?"

Kadota was glad that it was Shinra broaching the subject of Izaya's mystery crush. Shizuo growled something that sounded like,

"I saw her. Pretty. Damn."

Izaya flailed a bit.

"I have a picture, I suppose it's okay to let you guys see…since you're my best friends."

Shizuo was beginning to hate this 'best friends' business."

Izaya showed them his cell phone screen where a not very amused but most definitely cute girl half glared, half dismissed the world with something of an attitude. Kadota too was surprised to the lack of loli appeal. As was Shinra who even voiced this:

"She looks our age or older, actually. I expected you'd go for the little girl type."

Izaya frowned.

"Whatever gave you that idea?"

"My bad."

*

And so the festival day arrived. All was going well, Shizuo had a chance of scaring people away while he and Kadota could watch Izaya in his best maid mode ever, complete with plenty of 'master' and 'certainly', not to mention those radiant smiles that would make a diabetic order a sugar soaked parfait and drop a generous tip on his way to the hospital. Izaya's idea of combining a café with a haunted house proved as chaotic as was to be expected and many a client left screaming, tea cups flying, as soon as Shizuo popped out of a curtain. Which he did a lot because then Izaya had to bend over in that short pink skirt of his to pick up the pieces. To make matters worse Erika and Walker ran around like the bouncy children they were, one dressed as Pikachu and the other as Doraemon. Kururi made a silent appearance and was taken as the ghost of some dead child by the clients while Mairu snatched a few bites here and there and thus made a certified debut as a junior vampire.

Izaya finished his shift and waltzed to the corridor where Kasuka was waiting. In an angel outfit, tinfoil halo and all. Izaya immediately picked him up and carried above his head.

"Kasuka-chan is an angel! Whee!"

Izaya was busy doing this when he spotted his dear Yagiri Namie. At which point he put down Kasuka, angelic as he was, and waved shyly.

"Yagiri-san, I didn't think you could make it. This way, if you would be so kind as to follow me."

Namie prized polite reference to her person. Still, she looked up and down Izaya.

"Why are you dressed like that?"

"Oh, it's because it's a maid café. And haunted, too."

Izaya was highly nervous as he led Namie to the best table. He took her orders, glad that at least her brother was not around, and skipped away to get her the best strawberry milkshake he could possibly get. Kadota studied the girl and wondered what to do about it. Meanwhile both Heiwajima siblings had some ideas as to that. Shizuo beat Kasuka to the spot by putting on the scariest act possible. Namie blinked and merely said,

"While you're at it, bring me a glass of water."

Izaya gasped as soon as he spotted Shizuo's antics.

"Shizu-chan, what are you doing to Yagiri-san?"

"Friend of yours? Doesn't look too bright, Orihara."

Shizuo jabbed a finger at her.

"Ha! So you're still on family name basis! Let me tell you something, Yagiro whatever-"

"That would be 'Yagiri'."

"-Izaya-kun here is hot as hell in bed but you'll never find out any of that because he's gayer than gay!"

Izaya's chin dropped to the floor as did the milkshake and tray. Shinra literally face palmed. Kadota was both glad, the more Shizuo botched up the better, and anxious, because clearly Shizuo had done something with Izaya at least. Namie merely blinked once more.

"I am not gay! What are you doing?"

"Sure you are. It's okay! How many children do you want, I was thinking one of which."

Izaya nearly tripped on his heels.

"Yagiri-san, pay no attention to him. He's the resident idiot, all classes have one. I am not gay."

Namie raised an eyebrow.

"You're not?"

This time Izaya did trip.

"You thought that I was gay?!"

"Why yes. The jacket, the rings and the fact that you are very cute. I cannot imagine you being straight. If I knew that you were not gay I would never have gone to the movies with you. It would be unseemly. Well then, I'll be on my way now."

And with this Namie left. Shizuo beamed happily.

"And don't come back!"

His happiness was short lived because Izaya kicked him right between the legs.

"You're horrible, horrible! Mairu, bite him!"

For once she actually obeyed. Kasuka took the opportunity for kicking his brother in the ankles. Repeatedly. Izaya then spun on his heels, tears fluttering on his wake as he turned around and fled the scene. Leaving Shinra to comment,

"This is something straight from a silly manga, it really is."

And just like one he found Izaya crying on the rooftop.

"Yo, Izaya-kun. Why so down?"

Izaya turned tear smeared eyes to him. He had not bothered to change and sitting as he did next to the fence the skirt rode up quite a lot and hints of lacy underwear could be glimpsed.

Shinra sighed. He did not know how Kadota had become involved in the diatribe but it was about time someone explained things to Izaya. Shinra sat by his side.

"I think you got the wrong idea here. They don't hate you. They actually like you."

Blank stare.

"I liked them too until they became just horrible to me."

"I don't mean just 'like'. They 'like like' you."

Izaya blinked.

"Are you stammering too?"

"Let me put it this way, they 'like' you in the same way you 'like' Yagiri-san."

Izaya jumped to his feet.

"No way!"

"Yes, way."

"How do you know this?"

"More like how did you manage to miss it…"

"But- but- that doesn't make any sense!"

Shinra nodded.

"I concede to that. But love works in mysterious ways! Who can tell where it blows and what- hey, I'm not done talking yet."

Izaya was already at the door.

"I'm not going to forgive them just like that but if you say they like me in that way…"

Izaya's smile grew sly.

"…then I think I may some fun yet. Neh, Kasuka-chan?"

Kasuka stepped into rooftop.

"Yes. I help Izaya-nii. Get rid of Onii-chan, then the other guy."

Izaya and Kasuka did some sort of bizarre happy dance. This was how Shinra realized that all of his friends and their relatives were, indeed, absolutely insane.

The End


End file.
